Momisms

For mother's day this past May, my mom surprised ME with a mother's day gift.  Totally unexpected and so sweet.  Thanks, Mom!  Anyway, in it, there was this little book called Momisms: What She Says and What She Really Means.  I've been leafing through over the past few weeks, whenever a spare moment (ha!) comes my way.  The crazy thing about this little book, is that there are 105 momisms in it - EVERY one of which I've heard before and many of which I've already used in my three short years as a mom.  Some of them are just too hilarious to keep to myself, so I thought I'd post a few . . .

Momism #4 - This one is soooo me!
"Put that down - you don't know where it's been!"
{Referring mainly to objects found on the ground in public places - things like coins, candy, half-eaten sandwiches, and used chewing gum -- this ism reflects every mom's pathological fear of germs.}

Momism #5 - One I heard repeatedly as a child.
"They're just jealous, that's all."
{A time-honoured but weak attempt to comfort a child who has been treated cruelly by his or her peers.  This ism is often uttered through clenched teeth as Mom plans the untimely, slow, and painful demise of her kid's tormentors.}

Momsism #6 - I honestly just used this one today, for this exact reason!  LOL!
"What did I just say?"
{The child interprets this as a challenge over whether or not they are paying attention.  But in most cases, the actual translation is, "I'm not testing your hearing.  I have actually forgotten what I just said and I'm hoping you can tell me."}

Momsim #10
"This place is a pigsty!"
{This pathetic attempt at motivating children to improve their housekeeping skills usually falls on deaf ears, especially with urban urchins who think a pigsty is an eye infection in swine.}

Momism #27
"Look at me when I'm talking to you."
{Moms do not like to be ignored, especially when delivering a long, impassioned diatribe on a child's bad behaviour.  Maintaining eye contact is the only way a mom can tell if her message is getting through, even if the eyes in question seem to be glazed over in a zombielike state.

Momism #46
"Don't forget to flush (or brush, floss, wipe, etc.)."
{One of the many daunting responsibilities in a mother's life is to train her son(s) in the fine art of personal hygiene.  This is easier said than done since most boys, until the approximate age of thirty, require constant daily reminders to perform the most basic of hygienic tasks.  These momisms are used several times a day around most households.  Sometimes, moms find it difficult to leave these warnings at home and may absentmindedly yell: "Don't forget to wipe!" as their young sons head for the rest room of a five star restaurant.}

Momism #93 - I've told myself this one many times!
"This, too, shall pass."
{An old standby, this is the ism to try when no other ism will do.}

Momism #105
"I love you."
{No translation necessary.}