Sunday, May 27, 2012

Kids Say the Darnedest Things - Part 1

This post has been over a year in the making . . . figured I might as well post it as part one of many I'm sure. Enjoy!


Every kid has a wealth of one liners up their sleeves that just crack us up. You know, the ones when we think to ourselves, "Oh, that one's DEFINITELY for the baby book!". Unfortunately, in the midst of the craziness and chaos that exists in the lives of us parents, we often promptly forget, at least I know I do. I'm still using 'baby brain' as my excuse. I don't think it ever goes away! Anyway, I was an aunt long before I was a parent and reveled in what came out of the mouths of my nieces and nephews. Now I have my own little clown to keep me entertained on a daily basis. And another one that is quickly learning to talk and I'm sure will be contributing immensely in the coming posts. I've decided that I'm horrible at remembering to write things down in a baby book, so I'll journal them here on my blog, my cyberspace vault of thoughts and remembrances. Here are just a few of Jonah's "Jonahisms" to get me started:

"Mommy, can you read me a story about big boy Jesus, you know, when he had the long hair?"

Commenting on his iced tea: "Mom. Look! There's fish food in my iced tea." Gross. Precisely why I don't voluntarily share drinks with my children.

Jonah: "Daddy, can I have some water?"
Josh: "Sure bud, have a sip of Mommy's."
Jonah: "But I will get boobies!"
Josh (choking) "No you won't, they're not contagious."
Jonah sips the water, then looks down and pats his chest just to make sure.
*** I should also mention, before the unfortunate learning of the term "boobies" (there was a nursing newborn in the house - it was bound to happen), he referred to them as "Mommy's mountains". Ha! Thanks, buddy!

Jonah: "If Jesus is in my heart, how's the doctor going to get him out?"

Jonah: "Mom, you're ruining my WHOLE life!!!" Classic. Four going on fourteen.

Josh: "You know, Jonah, Christmas isn't all about getting presents, it's about Jesus."
Jonah: "Well, what's Jesus going to get me?"

Jonah: "Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And, if you ever saw it, you would really say it blows!"

After asking Jonah to run and get me a receiving blanket, he stomps up the stairs while muttering: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a BABY! Hmph." As great of a big brother he is, I guess I had asked him to help me with one too many things that day.

In Jonah's vocabulary, it's "Good Donald's" not McDonald's and "goodsert" not dessert. Some would feel these terms to be very appropriate.

Jonah: "Daddy, when I get big, I'm going to go away and drive the tanks." He tenderly puts his hand on Josh's arm: "Now, Daddy, I will be far away, with the army, will you be okay? I will be gone for a long time."
. . . the following day . . .
"I'll come home for Christmas, but you'll have to make room so I can park my tank in the garage."

Jonah: "Hey look! The war show is on!"
Josh: "No buddy, that's called the news."

At bedtime prayers, after asking Jesus for sunshine the next day, Jonah asks me if Jesus heared him. I tell him of course. Then . . .
Jonah: "Is Jesus in Heaven?"
Me: "Yes."
Jonah: "Well, where is heaven?"
Me: "Well Jonah, God is all around us. He's right here in this room with us right now, but we can't see him. But you know what? God is soooo big, that it's like He's holding the whole world in his hands!"
Jonah: "No, Mommy, it's called Earth, not the world. And Earth, is floating in space."
. . . I guess I didn't use the best analogy to explain such a deep concept to a four year old, one who is especially fascinated with astronomy.

Me: "Jonah, please stop biting your nails."
Jonah: "But M0-OM, I'm HUNGRY!"

November 25th, 2011
Jonah: "Mommy, I don't want to drive a concrete mixer when I grow up. It's too dangerous. I want to be a police man instead."

February 5th, 2012
Jonah: "MOM! I know how you can get to Jesus and God! A rainbow!"

February 11th, 2012
While watching Hockey Night in Canada, as Don Cherry steps out of his Escalade, Jonah starts singing: "Plaid, check, polka dot, stripe, which is the pattern that you like?" CRACK ME UP!!! All of them buddy, it's Don Cherry!

February 17th, 2012
Me: "So Jonah, what should we order on our pizza?"
Jonah: "Macaroni Peppers." (aka, pepperoni)

February 22nd, 2012
Jonah: "Go away you storm troopers and droids, GO AWAY!! If you don't go away I'm going to spank your bums!! RRrgh!" . . .
Step away from the video game, Jonah, step away . . .

April 29th, 2012
Jonah: "Mom, if Micah doesn't stop screaming, I'm gonna lose my marbles - and my money!"

May 6th, 2012
Josh: "Jonah, how did all this pee get on the floor?"
Jonah: "I peed straight."
Josh: "Straight?"
Jonah: "Yeah, straight off the toilet."

May 23rd, 2012
This one's from one of my piano students, too awesome not to include it here . . .
"When I grow up I want to be a piano teacher just like you AND a REAL teacher too." ~ McKenna S.

May 27th, 2012
Jonah: "Mom, where does Akari live? Where there's bears?"
Me: "Huh?"
Jonah: "Where there's kung fu bears?"
Me: "You mean pandas?"
Jonah: "Ya. Kung fu pandas."
Me: "She lives in Japan, honey, not China."